Written by Lidija Poth, Transformational Coach
Lidija Poth is an AC-accredited transformational coach and founder of MyLifeCoachingHub, guiding women and leaders toward authentic living and relationship healing. With expertise in architecture, city planning, and TUDelft teaching, she facilitates transformative retreats and coaching for lasting freedom and joy.
You’ve scaled the company from a garage idea to global operations. You’ve closed multi-million-dollar deals, earned board seats, received industry awards, and built a legacy most people only dream of, yet a persistent emptiness whispers in quiet moments: “Is this really all there is?” Despite every external marker of achievement lighting up your resume and bank account, many leaders wake up feeling quietly unfulfilled, disconnected from the very drive that got them here.
This is not a weakness; it is a signal. The goals we’re taught to pursue from childhood, status, wealth, impact, recognition, are powerful motivators, but they rarely deliver the lasting inner peace and joy we assume they will. As a transformational coach who works intimately with CEOs, founders, and high performers, I witness this paradox constantly: outward success can quietly erode inner alignment, leaving brilliant people running on fumes while the world sees only victory.
Related article: The Meaning of Life – Why Success Without Meaning Feels Empty and How to Create Your Own
Childhood dreams vs. Societal scripts
As children, we dream without limits, superpowers, secret allies, endless possibilities. Joy arrives effortlessly. The sky is truly the limit.
Yet early on, family, school, and society impose a narrower path: become a doctor, a lawyer, an executive, a high-status achiever. Worth becomes linked to external markers rather than inner exploration. These scripts quietly suppress our unique dreams, teaching us that belonging means conforming, and safety comes from matching expectations.
Neuroscience reveals the hidden cost: each brain is wired distinctly, genetics, epigenetics, and lived experience shape individual neural pathways that crave authenticity. Conformity pressures activate chronic sympathetic activation and dorsal vagal shutdown, dysregulating emotional balance, metabolism, immune function, and long-term well-being. What begins as adaptive survival becomes profound disconnection from self. Many leaders later discover that the very discipline that made them successful also quietly silenced the parts that make life feel alive.
The paradox of scale
A close friend built an international company from nothing. Early milestones were exhilarating, the first hires, the first major client, the first expansion. Purpose was alive, creativity flowed, and every win felt deeply personal.
As the business scaled, joy eroded. Creativity turned into endless meetings, passion became pressure, and decisions became risk-averse. At the peak, global footprint, financial freedom, public acclaim, he was deeply unhappy, drinking more to numb the void, silently asking: “What did I give up for this?”
This pattern repeats across many of my clients. Psychologist Tal Ben-Shahar calls it the arrival fallacy, the illusion that “when I reach X, I’ll finally be happy.” Yet hedonic adaptation resets the baseline quickly. Dopamine from wins fades fast. Emptiness returns, often stronger.
Related article: Beyond the Spotlight – When Success Isn't Enough
External validation, revenue, titles, applause, delivers short highs. When self-worth is tied to outcomes, success breeds more pressure, more isolation, and more quiet despair. The higher the climb, the thinner the air.
Fulfilment lives in the basics
Happiness flows from simple internal states: safety, love, balance, presence, and genuine pleasure. These are not goals to conquer, they are conditions to nurture.
Ventral vagal states (Polyvagal Theory) enable joy, creativity, and resilience far more than achievement-driven striving. Suppressing uniqueness disrupts this balance, leading to chronic disconnection, fatigue, and a sense that something vital is missing.
Related article: Why "I'll Be Happy When" is the Biggest Lie We Tell Ourselves
True fulfilment is an inside job. It emerges when we stop chasing external validation and start cultivating inner richness, the sustainable foundation that makes success feel meaningful instead of exhausting.
11 ways to reclaim fulfilment and build inner wealth
1. Revisit childhood dreams
Many high achievers have buried the pure curiosity and play that once fueled them. Reconnect with what made time disappear, unfiltered imagination, adventure, creation. Journal deeply: “What felt limitless before the world defined success for me?”
This is not a nostalgic indulgence; it is a strategic one. Suppressed childhood passions often contain the exact clues to sustainable motivation and flow states (Csikszentmihalyi). When leaders ignore this layer, they risk chronic extrinsic motivation, which burns out faster and correlates with higher rates of executive depression and disengagement (HBR studies on mid-life career crises).
Reconnecting reactivates authentic energy, reduces the “should” voice, and reminds you that joy doesn’t require a KPI. Many CEOs I’ve worked with rediscover a long-lost creative thread here that becomes the missing piece in their leadership presence and innovation capacity. Reflection: What activity from childhood still quietly calls to you today?
2. Shift to internal validation
Success often becomes an approval loop, board praise, investor metrics, and LinkedIn likes. Begin celebrating effort, integrity, and presence daily, independent of results. Kristin Neff’s self-compassion research shows internal validation reduces shame, buffers burnout, and builds stable worth that external wins cannot provide.
Practice: end each day by noting one value-aligned action you took, no matter the outcome. This shifts the locus of control inward, strengthens emotional resilience, and frees you from the exhaustion of constant external scoring. Leaders who master this report feeling more grounded and decisive while under pressure.
3. Challenge arrival fallacy
Ask candidly: “What will truly change inside when I hit this next milestone?” Hedonic adaptation normalizes big wins fast. Shift focus to enjoyment in the process itself, learning, deep impact, and meaningful connection.
The real win is presence, not arrival. Leaders who do this report greater satisfaction even before goals are reached. They stop postponing life and start living it now. Reflection: Which goal are you currently using as a happiness deposit, and what would happen if you cashed it in today?
4. Embrace your uniqueness
Your neural wiring is unrepeatable, no one else carries your exact strengths and experiences. Society rewards conformity, but suppressing your path raises cortisol and drains energy. Daily affirmation: “My journey doesn’t need to mirror anyone else’s.”
This lowers physiological stress and restores natural creative flow. Uniqueness is your greatest leadership asset, when embraced, it unlocks innovation, authenticity, and magnetic presence. Reflection: Where are you still playing small to fit in?
5. Prioritize nervous system safety
Chronic striving locks many leaders in sympathetic overdrive or dorsal shutdown. Build safety through grounding: slow breathwork, nature immersion, and brief stillness. Ventral vagal states, calm connection, unlock genuine joy, sharper decisions, and resilience.
Start with 5 minutes daily; the difference compounds quickly and protects against burnout. Leaders who regulate their nervous system report better sleep, clearer thinking, and stronger relationships under stress. Safety is the foundation, not a luxury.
6. Cultivate simple joys daily
Schedule micro-moments: laughter with someone you trust, deep rest, sincere gratitude, meaningful touch. These release oxytocin and serotonin, balancing dopamine-driven achievement cycles that leave many wired but empty.
Joy builds quietly when intentionally prioritized. Leaders who do this report higher sustained energy, less reactivity, and more creative breakthroughs. Reflection: What is one small joy you can claim today without earning it?
7. Practice self-compassion over perfection
High performers often equate worth with flawlessness, amplifying inner criticism during dips. Speak to yourself with the kindness you’d offer a valued colleague. Kristin Neff’s research shows self-compassion powerfully reduces burnout risk and deepens life satisfaction.
Try: name the struggle, then offer yourself understanding. This transforms self-doubt into growth and allows leaders to take bigger risks with less fear of failure. Compassion is strength, not softness.
8. Slow down to reflect
Constant acceleration blocks integration. Create regular pauses, 10-20 minutes daily, to ask: “Am I living aligned with my deepest values?” Slowing activates prefrontal clarity and strategic wisdom that rushing cannot access.
Many leaders find that their best decisions and most profound insights emerge in stillness. Reflection: When was the last time you gave yourself space to simply be, without agenda?
9. Build authentic connections
Success can breed isolation. Prioritize relationships where you can be real, vulnerable, imperfect, human. Genuine bonds release oxytocin, foster co-regulation, and provide a sustainable fulfilment status that never delivers.
Start small: one honest conversation per week. Depth in relationships creates depth in life, and stronger leadership teams. Reflection: Who in your circle can you be fully yourself with?
10. Align goals with inner values
Audit honestly: “Do my pursuits reflect my true self or inherited scripts?” Realignment reduces cognitive dissonance and builds eudaimonic well-being, purpose-driven happiness that endures.
Leaders who realign often experience renewed energy, clearer direction, and more meaningful impact. Reflection: Which goal feels most like “should” instead of “want”?
11. Invest in inner wealth
When external success feels hollow, turn inward deliberately. Inner wealth work helps reclaim suppressed dreams, regulate the nervous system, cultivate radical self-compassion, and manifest from alignment rather than pressure.
This is the sustainable path to fulfilment that achievement alone cannot deliver. It transforms performance into purpose and success into something deeply satisfying. Reflection: What would your life look like if inner richness were your primary metric?
Start reclaiming your fulfilment today
Success without inner richness is a hollow victory. You deserve the quiet, profound joy of feeling safe, loved, balanced, and fully alive.
As a coach, I guide high achievers from performance-driven emptiness to soul-rooted abundance. If this resonates and you are ready to explore what lies beneath your achievements, connect at my website. Discover my Inner Wealth Program, a transformative journey for CEOs and leaders to cultivate lasting fulfilment, authentic power, and meaningful, soul-aligned success.
You’ve built the external world. Now build the inner one. That’s where real happiness lives.
Footage made by Michelle Muus Fotografie at Suitehotel Pincoffs, made possible by the PUT-IT-ON platform.
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